Sacrifice / Жертва
Five days left…and I’ve only just started packing.
Yeah, yeah, I’m a procrastinator. But why would I wait so long to do this? Why not start packing sooner?
Because I am nervous, almost afraid.
I am leaving everyone and everything I know behind. I am going to discover truths that will enlighten, but at the same time may hurt. I will learn things about myself. I am going to gain a new perspective. In a sense, I am leaving who I am behind and becoming reborn.
I both relish and fear this.
But the hardest of all is the fact that I have been forced to make lichniye zhertvi [personal sacrifices] to do this. I lost a relationship largely due to my decision to go to Russia. There was nothing else that could have been done. Ultimately, it was unavoidable. But the necessity of it hurts terribly.
This is life. We must make sacrifices at times. We will suffer losses to gain other things.
To those I have hurt because of this, prostitye menya. Forgive me. But I will neither apologize nor feel guilty for wanting and choosing to pursue my dream. I feel I am fulfilling one of the purposes of my life (for I believe no one ever has simply one purpose for existing) and I am drawn to this path I have chosen. I am going off to make the world a better place. That is how I see the position I have been bestowed.
I am lucky, blessed, and grateful for the opportunity I have been given. I wouldn’t have given it up for anything in the world. No riches or fame or anything else could draw me away from this.
That is all I can say today, moyi druz’ya. Until next time, take care.